I would like to preface this post by telling you all that I
am writing this more to myself than to anyone else. But I had a hunch that
there are others out there who need this too. If so, I hope this helps...
It’s that time. I was told it would come. That time when it
seems like there are more people your age that are engaged or married than
there are single people. It comes out of nowhere and kind of slaps you in the
face. And all of the sudden, you feel like the only person not getting married.
You feel alone. And let’s be honest, as happy as you are for all of your
friends, amidst their newfound happiness, you can’t help but think of yourself
and it kind of makes you want to pull all of your hair out.
Yeah, I understand. Trust me.
There could be lots of different reasons as to why you’re not
getting married: you are single, you’re not ready for it, it scares you, or
maybe you just don’t want anything to do with marriage. We all vary on the
spectrum. But no matter where you are, if you aren’t about to get married,
there are some things you’ve got to remember.
1. Everyone Is Different
Just because it seems like everyone else is
getting married DOES NOT mean you have to. I know that seems like a given, but
it’s really true. Don’t feel pressured to make a life changing and extremely
important decision just because it feels like you have to. If you’re in a
relationship, go at your own pace. If you’re single, don’t rush out and start
dating the first person you meet. It’s not worth it. Take your time. If you
feel that marriage is the next step for you, then do it. If you’re not
comfortable with that, don’t do it. I’m making this sound a lot easier than it
is. But this is so important! Everyone is different. Don’t try to live someone
else’s life.
2. Be happy For Your Friends
This can be easier said than done
too. “They’re way too young!” “What are they thinking?” “They’re never going to
spend time with me anymore!” “What about me?” I may or may not be guilty of
thinking one or all of these things, but I will be the first to say that I am
very wrong for doing so. Marriage is such a beautiful thing. If you’re friends
are blessed enough to get to start that journey, then you should be nothing but
excited for them. Whether they say it or not, they need your support. And maybe
someday you’ll need their support when you’re on the road to say, “I do”. Love
them and help them in any way you can. And remember that this decision in their
life really has nothing to do with you. Your friendship will only grow stronger
as you support them. Don’t jeopardize that by being jealous.
3. You're Not Going To Die Alone
This has kind of become a joke in our generation. “Forever alone.” You know what I’m talking about. It’s pretty
funny, I’ll admit. But if you get down to it, it’s kind of selfish. You’re
saying that you’re going to die alone just because you’re not romantically
involved with someone. This is absolutely not true. You have family. You have
friends. You have so many people who love and care about you. Having a
boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse is not the antidote to loneliness.
4. Cultivate The Relationships You Do Have
On a related note, don’t forget about all of
the important relationships that are going on right now. Don’t forget about
your best friend who has dealt with you for the past ten years. Don’t forget
about your sisters and brothers who need you. Don’t forget about your roommates
who are probably going through this too. And, in my case specifically, don’t
forget about your boyfriend of almost three years and all the happiness you have.
Don’t put pressure on the relationship you’re in. Have good conversations about
the future of marriage, but also watch movies and talk about really good music
and live for right now, together. Don’t waste the time you have today because
it’s going to go by too fast. Focus on the relationships you have right now and
work to make them the best they’ve ever been.
5. Marriage Isn’t Everything
“Ring by Spring” is really all I hear about
because of the Baptist University I attend smack dab in the middle of the Bible
Belt. There really is too much stress put on the subject of getting married.
What about your education? What about your future career path? What about your
family and friends? What about doing the will of God in other parts of your
life? Don’t get me wrong, marriage is extremely important and I really, really
want to get married someday. But there is a lot more going on in the world. So,
instead of stressing about that, immerse yourself in where you are right now:
the community, the people, the places. And most importantly, focus on Jesus and
you’re relationship with Him. I promise you that no other relationship is going
to go very well if that relationship isn’t put first. Go back to the roots of
His love for you. Remember how you fell in love with Him in the beginning. Ask
Him to help you through this time. Talk to Him about your fears. This really is
the most important thing you can do.
I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks when it comes to the
subject of marriage. And I’m sure I will have a few more. But I can tell you
that I always go back to these things I mentioned above and I find peace. I
hope you do too. I really do.
Avery
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