Over the Christmas break, I have had lots of time to think
about my life and where it is going. Being a senior in college is maybe the
scariest and most confusing time of my life. I know that I’m not the first one
to feel this way. And I have many friends surrounding me who would shout a very
loud and exuberant, “Amen!” to that. But I feel it necessary to take the time
to sift through my thoughts and truly get to the bottom of who I am and where
I’m supposed to be. So, that’s what this is.
I don’t know if you ever do this, but sometimes I will think
to myself I wonder what my past self
thinks of my present self. It sounds silly, but it gets you thinking. I was
an extremely ambitious and passionate young girl. When I felt strongly about
something, I grabbed onto it and I didn’t let go. Though I was never very loud
about my opinions or confrontational, people knew where I stood on things and
knew what I cared most about. When I was 12 years old, I felt God calling me to
be a missionary. I remember being so confident in that calling and telling
everyone I knew about it. I didn’t know what that meant for me yet. All I knew
is I wanted to help people and point them to Christ. And for years I held onto
that calling.
I went to college and became a double major in Anthropology
and Theatre. I wanted to learn everything I could about the human experience. I
wanted to study it and I wanted to experience it myself through acting. But of
course, as many people experience, my passion for my calling got a little lost
while I was so focused on school.
So, here I am today, about to start my last semester in
college and I’m having to reassess what I am supposed to be doing. In the end,
I figured out that I needed to go back to the basics.
All my life I have known that I was made to help people.
Unfortunately, I was not given the gifts to be a doctor or a nurse or even a
lawyer. So, I have been searching most of my life for the way that I am
supposed to help people and lead them to Christ. With my degree in Anthropology,
I have learned how to understand and respect the cultures and lives of others.
I have studied the minds of people who are very unlike me. I have become
attached to them and mourned their injustices. I have celebrated the beauty of
their worlds and their ways of doing life. And I have longed to be a part of
their world someday. With my degree in Theatre, I have been given many
opportunities to mentally and emotionally delve into the psyches of people from
different lifestyles than my own with different experiences. I have felt their
pain and their triumph. I have lived life in their shoes. And because of that,
I am more experienced in my own life. Both of my degrees have equipped me to
help and love people better. And that’s what I’m called to do.
Practically, I want to better the lives of others. I can
love them and I can want to help them, but in the end, if I don’t give them
tangible solutions to their current problems, than I am not loving them well at
all. So, the first step I want to take is to become certified to teach English
internationally. By having this experience and training, I will be able to
travel the world and do life with people different than myself. I will be able
to see their trials and struggles and I will become involved and responsible to
help them. I will get to experience and learn other languages, which will equip
me to better communicate with the people I am helping. I don’t know where all
this training will take me, but I do know that I am on my way to becoming a
human rights and social justice advocate. I am on my way to meeting the needs
of others from the ground up.
After that chapter of my life ends, I have ideas of what I
would like to do next, but in the end, I don’t want to make decisions about the
future because they can always change. God has a plan and I want my decisions
to always match up with that plan.
The basics are this: I love people. I have been given the
gift of empathy and understanding with others. I have a passion for human
rights and social justice. I have a longing to experience cultures and
societies that are different than my own. And I want to help put a stop to the
world’s injustices because that is what I am called to do. I still have that
calling in my life like I did a decade ago, but it has morphed into something I
could have never have fathomed. It has grown feet and hands and it has a desire
to meet the earthly and spiritual needs of others.
And now, when I think about whether or not my past self
would be proud of my present self, I can honestly say that I think I would be
proud. Because I have only become more passionate and more proactive about what
I’m supposed to do with my time on this earth. I am no longer just a dreamer.
I’m a doer.
God is good. And I’m not 100% sure where He is leading me,
but I trust Him. And I am choosing to take one step at a time. When I hear Him
tell me the next thing to do, I will commit myself to that thing and leave the
future up to Him. There is no reason to worry about where I will be in a year,
five years, ten years, etc. because I really have no say in that anymore. He
calls the shots and that’s the only way I want it to be.
Though being a senior and readying myself to leave this
chapter in life is scary, I am so excited. I’m excited for where life is going.
I’m excited for where God is leading me.
So, if you’re also afraid and confused as to where you’re
supposed to go and who you’re supposed to be, just go back to the basics. Go
back to the passions that drive you in life. Go back to Jesus and He will show
you what to do.
Avery
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